The Spare key Theory
by urdreamkeeper
Summary: Sam has locked herself out of her house in a rather...precarious situation. Guess who she has to call on for help? This was a lot of fun to write, I hope you enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

Spare Key

Season: five and after, but not six, because Jonas isn't in it

Spoilers: none, nada, zip, zero, zilch, but a slight reference to _Desperate Measures_

Rating: pg- 13 for some language and images (provided by you the reader of course) of nudity.

Category: I couldn't decide between humor and angst, so it's both. But mostly humor, especially the end.

Summary: Sam has locked herself out of her house in a rather...precarious situation. Who does she have to call on for help?

Author's note: There really wasn't any way to create chapters with this, so I created parts. Although they are labeled chapters by default from the upload. This was fun to write, I hope you enjoy!

It was a fairly humid, late summer evening in Colorado Springs, but Sam Carter thought it was still comfortable enough to leave the windows open to the slight breeze, which was all that was keeping her from turning on the AC. She was all snuggled in for the evening, in her short pink night shirt with matching bikini underwear, under the covers, in her bed, reading the latest issue of _Cosmo_, when she heard it.

//_Nah, it's too far away...that can't be it. // She_ thought to herself, as she continued reading. It was a decent article about self-confidence and dating, and Sam was definitely into it. She couldn't believe she had never read _Cosmopolitan_ until Cassie had gotten her started. However, since she had been introduced, Sam had been hooked. She stopped every month to get the latest issue from the supermarket. Contrary to what everybody at the SGC thought, she did not read work-related material when she was home off duty. Sam lifted her head to glance out of her bedroom window as a flash caught her attention. 

"I'll bet that's lightning." She said to no one, out loud. She heard the distant rumble of the thunder, and it confirmed her suspicions of an upcoming thunderstorm.

"Damn, I didn't think it was supposed to rain tonight. Aw, shit. I gotta get up and close the windows before it rains in the house." She felt a little less unnerved by talking out loud, so that she could hear herself. Sometimes living alone wasn't as great as she pretended it to be. Sam put down her magazine, and swung her freshly shaved legs out of the clean sheets, and off of the side of the bed. She walked over to her bedroom window and looked out across her street. Sam noticed that the only neighbors to have any lights on in either direction besides her, was at least six or seven houses down.

"What do I expect on a Saturday night? That's probably Miss Evelyn. I hope she'll be all right if it storms." She reached up and pulled the window down and locked it, as another flash, much brighter than the last, lit up her bedroom. After all of the severe weather that she had been through on God knew how many other planets, she would have thought that a little thunderstorm on her own world wouldn't have bothered her so much. But for some reason it did bother her, so she hurried to quickly close and lock the rest of the windows as the lightning and thunder came again.

"That ought to do it." Sam closed the last window in her kitchen, and headed back to her bedroom with a freshly made diet coke on ice. She stopped long enough on the way to turn on the air conditioning. As hot as it was out, without the breeze, she would need the added comfort. She turned it on full blast at 66 degrees as she looked at the thermometer. "Wow, it's eighty-two in here. Oh well, I can afford it. It's not like I ever use it any way." Sam smiled at the sound of the central air kicking on, and shuffled quickly back to her comfy bed with her coke. 

As she climbed back in under the covers, and set her coke on the nightstand, she heard the rain outside begin to fall. Sam looked at her digital clock. The bright blue numbers read twelve thirty a.m. With the storm, she didn't think that she would be able to fall asleep so well. She picked her magazine back up, and tried to find the page where she had left off. She was slowly flipping through the pages, trying to find the right one, when another flash of lightning lit up her bedroom. The thunder was so close, and so loud, that the crash shook her windows, and practically made her jump right back out of the bed. She tried to relax and listen to the rain pelting the roof. As she looked back down at her _Cosmo_, she saw an advertisement for the new mustang. 

"Oh no. OH Shit! I left the windows down in the car! Damn it, and my cell phone is in there too!" Sam flung the covers off again in one swift motion, and hurried to the front hall to open the door. She didn't like what she saw.

"AHH God it's raining like a son of a...." Just then, the house went dark around her. The power had gone out. Sam was torn between going to the kitchen for her flashlight, or trying to save what was left of her upholstery in her car. She looked down the street at the rest of the houses that had lost electricity. She chose the car.

"Screw it, I know right where the flashlight is. I just hope my cell phone didn't get wet. I can't belIEEVe I left the windows down! Okay here goes." She was psyching herself up.

"One...two...three!" Sam took off out the door, barefoot and in her nightshirt, out into the hammering rain. She ran so fast, she got to the car in about three seconds, and slammed right into it. She scooted around to the passenger side, opened the door with a jerk, and since she didn't have power windows, cranked as hard and as fast as she could to get the window up. She slammed the door, and ran around the front end and yanked open the driver's side door. Before cranking up the driver's window, Sam reached onto the passenger floorboard to get her cell phone. She rolled up the other window as fast as she could, reached over and locked the passenger side. With her cell in her hand, she jumped out, and pushed the driver's door shut after locking it too. 

Sam bolted back to the front door wanting to desperately get inside. As she got to the front porch, the street lit up. Not with lightning, but with the streetlights and house lights of her neighborhood, as the electricity came back on.

"Oh that's awesome." She went to grab the doorknob, and it didn't turn. "That's not." Sam turned the knob again. Nothing. The door was locked. "SHIT!" Since she was already soaked through, Sam decided she was going to go around to the back door to see if it by some miracle chance it was unlocked. She tucked her cell phone under the mat so it wouldn't get wet any further, and ran for the back door. She knew what she would find before she even got there, as she remembered putting the bar down on the sliding door when she closed the kitchen window. Yup...sure enough, it was locked too. The front porch provided more cover, so Sam went back around to the front.

As she was rounding the side of the house, a car drove by on her street. Hoping it would be one of her neighbors, she hurried the slightest bit. The car's headlights passed, and the car continued on, turning out only to be a passerby. Sam walked back onto the front porch, and stood there for a second before looking down at herself. Her nightshirt didn't even cover her belly button, which was the way Sam preferred it. But her shirt and her undies were soaking wet and sticking to her in a clingy, dripping bunch.

She glanced at her boobs and realized that the air was a lot chillier when it was raining out, than she had realized. Her nipples could put an eye out. She quickly crossed her arms around herself to shield them, even though there was no one around to see.

Sam reached under the doormat to retrieve her phone, and dialed up Janet's number. At least Janet had another key. She could come from her house to let Sam in. No answer at Jan's place. Daniel had a key too, she tried him. Five rings and a machine. It wasn't looking too good for Sam. She decided that it was better to not leave a message. She wouldn't know what to say anyway. 

//yeah hi Daniel this is Sam. I am locked out of my house in my nightshirt and undies would you please bring your key over to let me in? // Sam hung up, and just stood there, with the rain funneling down her goose-fleshed skin. The overhang above didn't offer much cover, but at least it was something. Sam looked at the cell phone in her hand, surprised that it hadn't malfunctioned yet because of all the rain. She was left with only one option. Her fingers trembled slightly from the chilly rain, as she dialed the Colonel's cell phone number from memory. It was either him or the police, and she thought that the Colonel might be a bit more discreet. She sighed as the phone on the other end began to ring.

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	2. part two

Part Two

The sports bar where they had decided to enjoy their Saturday evening was relatively crowded for one a.m. in the morning. Last call wasn't for another hour, and the dance mix thumped with it's never ending bass-line chorus. The big screen across the room was showing Sports Center, and all of the day's sporting highlights. Jack, Daniel and for a change, Teal'c were enjoying some male bonding time. Jack was also admiring the scenery as two young, voluptuous women had teamed up to run the pool table on a bunch of guys. How foolish those guys were. The girls had been at the table since Jack, Teal'c and Daniel had walked in, and Jack knew that hustlers came in all shapes and sizes. He chuckled to himself as he saw the tall brunette shove another wad of money into the back pocket of her low-rise jeans, to which Jack was completely satisfied just to watch.

Daniel and Teal'c were engaged in a hot argument about which game was better. American football or European football, also known as soccer, although Teal'c was at a loss to explain the two different titles.

Teal'c had become quite a fan of the Denver Broncos, but only because that was the team which was the closest to the SGC. Jack had just ordered his fourth shot, with a beer chaser, and was feeling pretty warm and fuzzy. Daniel had kept up with him pretty well for the night, but Teal'c had them both beat. He was working on his fifteenth root beer, and the caffeine was sending him over the edge. Teal'c didn't drink alcohol, and Jack was seriously grateful, as he watched the Jaffa become increasingly rowdy and worked up.

Daniel was rather enjoying watching Teal'c get excited, and loud, and he kept shooting Jack surprised yet amused looks every time Teal'c said something out of character. Jack shook his head and turned his attention back to the pool table. He couldn't help but notice the empty chair next to him, and his mind wandered to what Carter might be doing tonight. He hoped she was enjoying her Saturday night, but he wished she would have come out with the rest of them. 

"Jack." Daniel was trying to get his friend's attention.

"JAACCK!" Daniel reached across the table and grabbed his right arm to bring him out of his daze.

Annoyed at his thoughts interrupted, Jack looked at his glassy-eyed friend. "WHAT? WHAT?"

"Your cell phone is ringing. It's rang three times already. Pick it up will you? I hope it's not the base."

Jack looked down, and heard the familiar ring. He didn't know why he had chosen the death march theme, other than for the fact that every time his cell phone rang, it was potentially a dooming call for him to return to the base. He would have chosen the Simpson's theme had he been able to figure out how to download it from the internet onto his phone. He would have to get Cass to show him how to do it one of these days.

Silently praying, he flipped open the top to his cell phone as it rang for the fifth time. Daniel looked at him in anticipation, as Teal'c ordered another root beer.

"Hello, O'Neill here." Jack looked at Daniel as he thought he heard Sam's voice on the other end, and mouthed 'it's Sam' to him. Daniel relaxed, and watched appalled as Teal'c downed another half of a glass of root beer. And the guy hadn't gotten up to pee one time. Daniel had already broken the seal and gone twice more since. He looked back to Jack as a look of concern spread over the older man's face.

"Carter, where are you?" Jack said as he put a finger in the ear not occupied by the phone. His left ear was actually better. He had been too close to a grenade in the gulf, and when he was in loud, crowded places, it was hard for him to hear out of the right side. "It sounds like you're in wind tunnel!" He was almost screaming into the phone. He knew Sam must have been catching an earful of background noise too from his end.

Shivering now, from being wet, Sam was also screaming into her phone over the roar of the thunder, and the down pouring rain.

"I am at my house sir! I was trying to find Daniel; do you know where he is?" She was blinking as the water continued to run down her face. She made a mental note to thank the military for their cell phone technology. Any other phone would have died under the strain of being water logged. She barely heard Jack as he answered back.

" No carter, I won't give Daniel a kiss! Is there something else I can do for you?" Jack shrugged at the puzzled look he was getting from Daniel.

" Is Daniel with you Sir!?" He heard Sam ask in return.

"Yes, he's here, is everything okay?" Jack was wincing at the sound of static covering Sam's voice.

"I...ca......et...nto........y house!" The static was getting worse. ".ve...een....rying...to break in somehow....ut......it's locked.....p......ight! .....d...ou hear me?....am....cked...out sir!"

Jack sat upright in his chair, alarmed. Daniel and Teal'c took one look at his face, and leaned in to try and hear some of Jack's end of the conversation.

"Are you alone?!!" Jack asked into the phone. "Are you hurt?"

Static..... and a dial tone.

"CARTER?!" Sobering up instantly, Jack relayed the broken message to his friends, as he stood up to wave down the waitress for their bill.

"Someone's trying to break into Carter's house. She's alone and she can't get out!" Worry was quickly spread across the table to his teammates, as they all three jumped up to get their coats on and go. Knowing that there were in fact certain rogue groups that would like to get their hands on Carter made the situation all that more pressing.

"Well shouldn't we call the police?" Daniel asked, as he reached in his pocket to pull out a hundred-dollar bill. Without waiting for their check, he spotted the waitress and walked over to her and placed the hundred in her hand.

"This should cover our tab, you were great, keep the change, we have an emergency, and we can't wait for the bill!" Daniel hurried to catch up with Jack at the door.

"Where's Teal'c? Did you call the police?" Daniel said also sobering up pretty fast. 

"Yes, I called them but Carter's house is only six streets away, and we'll probably beat them there. The root beer caught up with Teal'c and he had to pee. He'd better hurry the hell up!" Jack said, as he held his hand on the door to go out. He was trying to avoid the torrential downpour as long as possible.

"Maybe you had better try calling her back Jack, if she doesn't answer the phone, we know she's in trouble." Daniel said as Teal'c jogged out of the men's room, and they all ran out to Jack's truck through the rain. A crack of lightning streaked through the night sky, and Daniel's heart took a little leap down to his feet and back up to his throat. He hated thunderstorms, he always had.

Jack's truck was a quad cab Ford F-250, with plenty of room for all three men, but somehow, Daniel always got stuck in the back.

They jumped in, yanked the doors closed, and Jack handed Daniel his cell phone.

"You're right. Try Calling Sam again, and see if she picks up." Daniel always noticed that Jack used Sam's first name when she was in trouble. He didn't say anything, and dialed her number.

Jack smoked rubber, as he fishtailed in the wet parking lot, on the way over to Sam's house.

He ran all the red lights, too anxious to wait, or care about breaking the law. He was prepared to break whoever it was' legs that had broken into Sam's house.

"Jack, slow down! We aren't going to do her any good if we die before we get there!" Daniel was hanging onto what he affectionately referred to as the 'oh Shit handle' attached above the side window, as the truck swerved to avoid rear-ending a little blue-haired lady in a little Nissan sedan. Jack didn't hear him, he just keep weaving in and out of traffic, which was all slow because of the rain. Passing the blue-hair on the right, Daniel laughed in spite of himself as she angrily flipped Jack the bird. Jack didn't notice that either, but only glanced briefly in the rear-view at Daniel as Daniel continued to chuckle to himself.

Just then the streetlights went out, and as they passed houses, they saw all the lights go off in what was now the entrance to Sam's neighborhood. It was eerie, like a domino effect, as they traveled down the streets, the darkness traveled ahead of them creating a black path for them to follow to Sam's house.

"Well this sucks. This is the perfect time for a burglary too. It's completely dark, it's raining like a mother, and a suspect could just walk into any house he wanted because the alarms won't work unless they have a battery back up." Jack hit the steering wheel with his right hand as he was forced by Mother Nature to slow down in the darkness, so that he could get to Sam's house in time to help her.

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	3. part three

Part Three

Sam was sitting on her front porch, when the lights went out again. The street was plagued by the death of all light, as the rain fell harder and faster. She had been jogging in place to create body heat, as she would never have imagined a summer rain so cold. But she gave in, and had just sat down and let the rain pelt sown on her skin. Of course she had been out here for what seemed like hours now, and she didn't know if the Colonel was going to bring Daniel over or not. Her cell phone had finally given up the fight after only three or four minutes, and the static had been unbearable. So much for military technology.

"Damn it's freezing out here! I know the colonel will be here, he can't resist coming over here even when I don't ask him to. The question is, will he bring Daniel, and does Daniel still have my key?" Sam had watched her neighbors arrive home one by one, but was too embarrassed to knock at any of their doors in her soaking wet, see through shirt and panties. Her teammates had seen her in compromising situations before, albeit, way more dressed than she was currently. She had wished that the cell phone had stayed on long enough to request for Colonel O'Neill to bring a blanket with him so that she could cover up with.

She sighed, her heart beating just a little bit faster as the lightning struck in a fierce bolt on the other side of town. The thunder smacked with a mighty boom, and Sam tucked her head into her knees.

"C'mon guys hurry up, will ya?" Sam resorted back to talking out loud for the little bit of comfort that it offered. As she sat on the porch, she was mostly hidden, even in normal light, from the street by her shrubs that lined the front of the house. In the total darkness, no one would see her, even if they were standing at the end of the driveway. Which was all fine with Sam. She lifted her head from her knees. She thought that she saw headlights coming, and also thought she heard the sound of the motor too. When Sam stood up, she saw two dark figures creeping toward her house. She jumped into the shrubbery to hide, as she watched the figures quickly advance. 

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"What are you doing Jack?" Daniel asked, as Jack pulled over to the curb beside Sam's neighbor's house, and flipped the headlights off.

"What does it look like I am doing? I am turning off my headlights, because if there is someone in Sam's house, we don't want to scare him away. We want to get a hold of him and beat the shit out of him. That's why I am parking here, so they won't see the truck approaching. The police will do the same thing. They won't come in here with their sirens on, because they don't want to scare away the suspect, they'd rather arrest him. They might come with lights though; they use them to get through intersections, but run silent. Daniel, didn't Sam give you a key to her house?"

"Yes, she did, but since you were driving, I decided to leave my keys at home, and just use the Spare key I have hidden behind the doorframe in a small crack in the wall outside my apartment. And now that you know where my spare key is, do you know where Sam keeps hers? Can't you just kick the door in or something? Black ops and all that?" Daniel was eager to get to Sam to see if she was okay.

"Yeah...very discreet. No, I won't kick the door in, but if it has already been forced, I'll go in the same way. If he went in through a window, I'll try to get Sam to answer the door. " Not wanting to continue, because all three knew what had to be said next, Jack just reached under his seat and pulled out his off-duty weapon.

He continued. "If she's hurt, and no one answers, then god damned right I'll bust it down. But I want to make sure that he's not..." Jack paused and swallowed a lump. "...in the same room with her or anything." Teal'c was silent, but extremely on edge as the caffeine from the root beers was wrecking havoc on his body. His symbiote didn't like it one bit, and it was squirming quite a bit in it's womb.

"O'Neill. I will go to the rear of the house to cover you as you go in the front entrance. Not to worry, Major Carter will not be harmed. I give you my word." Teal'c nodded in respect, as Jack handed him his spare survival knife from the glove box. Jack turned around to Daniel.

"Daniel, stay here, and wait for the police. I didn't tell them much on the phone, so I want you to brief them before they come charging up guns a blazing. Okay? Teal'c, buddy let's do this. Quick and quiet." Jack and Teal'c got out of the truck in stealth mode, and crept around the shrubs that lined the sides of both Sam's and her neighbor's house. Everything was a mess, as the rain continued to pour. The only light was provided by Mother Nature. The two men crept up Sam's driveway without a word.

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Sam was crouched low in the bushes in front of her house. She was actually drier in here than she had been outside of the bushes. But her feet were sinking in the newly formed mud from the rain, and she hated the squishy feeling of it between her toes. She couldn't determine who the two figures were, but she didn't want to come out of her hiding spot just yet. Not until she knew who was creeping up her driveway like criminals. She saw one of them break away, and head around to the back of the house. A flash of lightning revealed a long, shiny metallic object in his hand, which Sam knew was a knife. She watched with increasing apprehension as the other figure headed right for her, also carrying something in his hand. Sam looked again with the next bolt of lightning, and that's when she saw the gun.

Her heart thump thumped in her chest, and Sam unconsciously initiated her breathing control techniques taught to her in survival training to quiet, and slow down her breathing, preparing herself for a fight. The military used these techniques to prepare their soldiers for battle, in a situation where their heavy breathing might give them away. She kept low, and quiet, and she watched as the second figure started up the front steps to her door. Sam prayed for another lightning flash, so she could get a good look at whoever would pick a night like this to rob her house. 

Suddenly, instead of a flash of lightning, a flash of red and blue coming from the direction of the street caught Sam's attention. Grateful thoughts flooded her mind.

// The police?! Who called the police? Oh thank you, thank you. They must have seen somebody creeping around the neighborhood and decided to call before the lights went out. // 

She looked out of the bushes, forgetting for a moment about being quiet, which caused the bushes to move and rustle. She did not however stand up, so the bushes still covered her.

And then, everything happened all at once. Sam heard the familiar click of the gun's slide, as the figure on the porch aimed his gun directly at her hiding spot. The neighborhood lit up as the power came back on. The porch light revealed to the police, a man standing with a gun pointed into the bushes in the front of Sam's house. The spotlights from four police cruisers lit up the front yard. Even the rain let up quite a bit, making it easier to see. 

The figure on the porch said calmly to the bushes in a low, menacing voice, 

"Come out right now, with your hands up. I have a gun pointed at you, and I am professionally trained to use it. Please do not give me a reason to shoot, I have an itchy trigger finger when it comes to my friends, and right now, you are in the wrong neighborhood pal." The Colonel saw Teal'c come around from the side of the house out of the corner of his eye. Whoever was in the bushes, was not budging. O'Neill looked out at the street where about fifteen police officers stood at the ready, waiting for his signal. At least Daniel was there to inform them about what was "going on", Jack thought to himself.

One of the officers picked up his mike from his car, and turned on the external amplifier. "This is Corporal Roberts of the Colorado Springs Police Department. You are surrounded, there is no where to go! Come out of the bushes with your hands on your head!"

"You heard them." Jack said calmly to whoever was hiding from him in the bushes.

Sam refused to stand up. As soon as she heard Colonel O'Neill's voice behind her, she knew what had happened. The static over the phone had caused him to misunderstand her situation, and he had thought she was in trouble, so he had called the police. Sam was so embarrassed; she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She chuckled as the Colonel's last words were loud enough for only her to hear, but menacingly smooth, as he threatened to use his gun.

"Um......Colonel? Um...It's me." Sam said. She could feel the heat of embarrassment spread up through her cold cheeks.

"Carter?" Jack said unsure of whether he was hallucinating or not. "Carter is that you? What are you doing in the bushes? Is someone still in the house?" Jack started to turn in the direction of the front door, and he kept his voice low.

"No sir, There is nobody in the house. Could you tell the police to stand down sir? I am fine really."

"Then what in the hell is going on? When you called, you said that someone was trying to get in your house, and that you were alone."

"Someone IS trying to get in my house sir, that someone is me. I ran out to the car when it started storming to roll up my windows. I locked myself out."

The loud speaker sounded again. "I repeat! Come out with your hands up, and nobody will get hurt!!"

"You better do what they say Carter, I don't have any jurisdiction here what so ever. But why are you in the bushes?"

Reluctantly, Sam stood up from her muddy hiding spot in the bushes, with her hands raised high. She grimaced from squatting for so long, and shivered as the gooseflesh popped up again on her skin. Her nightshirt was dirty from the branches of the shrubbery, and her legs and feet were all muddy from crouching.

"Don't shoot! It's...It's all right, I am the owner, I live here! I am locked out of my house!! Nothing's wrong, nobody has been hurt, it's all just a misunderstanding that's all!" Sam had turned towards the street to talk to the police, so they would lower their weapons.

Everyone relaxed, as they began to get an idea of what really had happened. Daniel came out from behind one of the cruisers and headed up to the porch where Jack and Sam were. Teal'c also came the rest of the way around the house to join his friends. A slow, ornery smile came across Jack's relieved face as his hormones got the better of him, and he couldn't help but look at Carter up and down. He knew this was as close as he would ever come to seeing her naked. Sam turned back around to face him, and Jack quickly brought his eyes up to hers, and made a conscious effort to keep them there.

"Well, now I know why you were in the bushes. Um, I am sorry I had to pull my gun on you there Carter, but I really thought you were a burglar." He just couldn't help it, his eyes wandered down slightly, all by themselves, to her chilled breasts. Sam quickly crossed her arms over herself, and Jack half-turned away, as Daniel came up the steps.

"Sam I'm glad you're okay, you had us all worried! Daniel rushed up to hug Sam, but stopped as he got closer. He had taken his glasses off in the rain, and from the street, he couldn't see what she was wearing. Or in this case, not wearing. He stepped back, and looked away, chuckling. "Oh. HaHAHAH. Sorry Sam. I couldn't see from that far away. So you're locked out huh? Sorry, I don't have my keys with me, Jack was driving tonight. But the police brought the tools to get into your house, I hope. I..uh, am just going to go and ask them." Daniel headed back down the steps, as a female officer passed him going up.

"Here maam, I brought you a blanket, so that you don't have to put up with all the testosterone, while we try and get you back into your house." The officer walked up to Sam and placed the blanket around her, covering her shivering body. The blanket was wet from the rain, so it didn't offer much in the way of warmth, but Sam was grateful for the cover. Teal'c spoke up.

"Major Carter, it is good to know that you are well. See O'Neill, I gave you my word. Major Carter was not harmed. However, I think her pride might have been damaged slightly from this evening's occurrences." He smiled slightly at Sam, who smiled broadly right back at him. She was glad she had friends that she could count on no matter what the situation.

"Carter, I just have one question. Have you ever heard of the spare key theory?" 

~Fin~


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